An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a malfunction, and went down. A few weeks later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane.
They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals. They walkedup to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.
The Chief said, "Yeah.." When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi." The rescue crew were shocked.
One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi."
Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi."
After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, "Did you..you know...eat their...ah, err, 'things'?"
The chief said, "No."
"No?" asked the rescuer.
"No," replied the Chief. "Things go better with Coke."
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Diary of a Blonde Wife
*Monday:*
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.
*Tuesday:*
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.
*Wednesday:*
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.
*Thursday:*
Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.
*Friday:*
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did,to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.
*Saturday:*
Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work,or he wanted the chicken to dance. When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me? why me ?" Hmmm....It must be his job.
country doctors
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sickto my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on thefloor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."
"Huh," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with an elderly woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"
"Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."
At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sickto my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on thefloor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."
"Huh," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with an elderly woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"
"Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."
Strange Laws Around The World
Check out these nutty laws from across the U.S.A. and around the globe!
* In Alabama, prison guards are forbidden from referring to their spouses as "the old ball 'n' chain."
* In Los Angeles, it's illegal for a waiter to tell a customer "I'm really an actor."
* In Indiana, it's against the law to dress "Barbie" in "Ken's" clothes.
* In Sedona, Ariz., it's illegal to lie about your astrological sign.
* In Texas, it's illegal to threaten somebody with an UNLOADED gun.
* In Samoa, it's a crime to forget your wife's birthday.
* In Australia, it's illegal to name any animal you plan to eat.
* In Cannes, France, it's illegal to wear a Jerry Lewis mask.
* In New Jersey, answering a traffic cop who asks "Do you know why I pulled you over?" by saying, "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you" is an automatic $300 fine.
* In Kentucky, it's illegal to paint your lawn red.
* In Portugal, it's against the law to pee in the ocean.
* In Connecticut, night watchmen are forbidden from drinking decaf coffee while working.
* In Vermont, it's illegal to pick your nose and stick the pickings under a table.
* In Tennessee, it's illegal to tell someone to quit smoking.
* In Oregon, donut holes must be at least an 1/8th inch in diameter.
* In Georgia, it's illegal to teach a child under 5 the words "penis" and "vagina."
* Unmarried women are not allowed to buy edible panties in South Carolina.
* In Italy, anyone considered "obese" is forbidden from wearing polyester.
* It's illegal to tear a phone book in half in Montana.
* Anyone caught selling a "smoothie" that has lumps is breaking the law in California.
* In Arkansas, it's illegal for a woman getting married for the second time to wear a white wedding gown.
* In Pennsylvania, it's against the law to put a dollar on a string on the ground and yank it when someone tries to pick it up.
* In New York City, it's illegal for a restaurant to call it a "corned beef sandwich" if it's made with white bread and mayonnaise.
* In Alabama, prison guards are forbidden from referring to their spouses as "the old ball 'n' chain."
* In Los Angeles, it's illegal for a waiter to tell a customer "I'm really an actor."
* In Indiana, it's against the law to dress "Barbie" in "Ken's" clothes.
* In Sedona, Ariz., it's illegal to lie about your astrological sign.
* In Texas, it's illegal to threaten somebody with an UNLOADED gun.
* In Samoa, it's a crime to forget your wife's birthday.
* In Australia, it's illegal to name any animal you plan to eat.
* In Cannes, France, it's illegal to wear a Jerry Lewis mask.
* In New Jersey, answering a traffic cop who asks "Do you know why I pulled you over?" by saying, "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you" is an automatic $300 fine.
* In Kentucky, it's illegal to paint your lawn red.
* In Portugal, it's against the law to pee in the ocean.
* In Connecticut, night watchmen are forbidden from drinking decaf coffee while working.
* In Vermont, it's illegal to pick your nose and stick the pickings under a table.
* In Tennessee, it's illegal to tell someone to quit smoking.
* In Oregon, donut holes must be at least an 1/8th inch in diameter.
* In Georgia, it's illegal to teach a child under 5 the words "penis" and "vagina."
* Unmarried women are not allowed to buy edible panties in South Carolina.
* In Italy, anyone considered "obese" is forbidden from wearing polyester.
* It's illegal to tear a phone book in half in Montana.
* Anyone caught selling a "smoothie" that has lumps is breaking the law in California.
* In Arkansas, it's illegal for a woman getting married for the second time to wear a white wedding gown.
* In Pennsylvania, it's against the law to put a dollar on a string on the ground and yank it when someone tries to pick it up.
* In New York City, it's illegal for a restaurant to call it a "corned beef sandwich" if it's made with white bread and mayonnaise.
Men's Logic
A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.
The Problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.
The child Should be in my custody."
The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"
The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...
Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"
The Problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.
The child Should be in my custody."
The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"
The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...
Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"
Funny full forms of Big Companies
1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.
20. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana
21.PATNI : Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.
20. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana
21.PATNI : Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments
Hospital Window
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.
virus
There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand.
This virus is called Weary-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.
This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store.
Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected...
This virus is called Weary-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.
This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store.
Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected...
Monday, April 27, 2009
Secret of Success
A young man asked Socrates the secret of Success. Socrates told the young man to meet him near the river the next morning. They met.
Socrates asked the young man to walk with him towards the river.
When the water got up to their neck, Socrates took the young man by surprise and ducked him into the water. The man struggled to get out but Socrates was strong and kept him there until he started turning blue.
The young man struggled hard and finally managed to get out and the first thing he did was to gasp and take deep breath. Socrates asked 'What you wanted the most when you were there?' The man replied 'Air'.
Socrates said 'that's the most secret to success. When you want success as badly as you wanted air, you will get it. There is no other secret'.
Socrates asked the young man to walk with him towards the river.
When the water got up to their neck, Socrates took the young man by surprise and ducked him into the water. The man struggled to get out but Socrates was strong and kept him there until he started turning blue.
The young man struggled hard and finally managed to get out and the first thing he did was to gasp and take deep breath. Socrates asked 'What you wanted the most when you were there?' The man replied 'Air'.
Socrates said 'that's the most secret to success. When you want success as badly as you wanted air, you will get it. There is no other secret'.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
LOW BUDGET AIRLINES
Another Low Budget Airline is going to be launched in India very soon...
The fairs are very cheep even less than the first class train fair....
Just See below its promotionary picture...
^
^
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^
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KERALA AIRWAYS - A New Low Budget Airline of INDIA ...
THE PERSON YOU ARE SEEING IN THE BACKGROUND IS
THE PILOT :)
The fairs are very cheep even less than the first class train fair....
Just See below its promotionary picture...
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
KERALA AIRWAYS - A New Low Budget Airline of INDIA ...
THE PERSON YOU ARE SEEING IN THE BACKGROUND IS
THE PILOT :)
Pa Won't Like It
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon."
New Dating Dictionary
ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with a particular person.
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT..... what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.
DATING..... the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
BIRTH CONTROL..... avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.
EASY..... a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT..... a method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND..... a person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE..... a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be "playing hard to get".
INTERESTING..... a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT..... what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY..... how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
NYMPHOMANIAC..... a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.
SOBER..... condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Palm Reading__Luck lines
Girdle of Venus appears on the hands of individuals who tend to be ultra-sensitive. Symbolically it can indicate a need for shielding or creating emotional boundaries.
Basic Life Line Meanings:
· Long Line: Good Health, Vitality
· Short Line: It is a myth that a short life line means a short life. If the life line is short, look closer to other signs (broken, deep, faint, etc.)
· Deep Line: Smooth Life
· Faint Line: Low energy
· Broken Line: Struggles, Losses
· Chained Line: Multiple Walks (meaning that your life path is multifold)
· Forked Line: Various meanings depending on fork placement on the hand. Generally forks indicate diversion or life change. Although they can also mean scattered or split energies.
· Double Line: Partner with Soul Mate, or there is someone near (friend or family member) that serves as a guardian or caretaker.
· Absent Line: Anxious, Nervous
Basic Intuition Line Meaning:
The more prominent this line appears (deeper, longer) the stronger the indication that psychic ability is a dominant characteristic for the person. Intuition lines are not the easiest to detect, and may be absent entirely.
Success, Wealth, Talent
Placement: Parallels Fate Line
Also called "Destiny"
Placement: Center of Palm, vertical or slanted line divides the palm in half
· Absent Line: Preplanned Life
· Deep Line: Inheritance
· Faint Line: Failures, Disappointments
· Forked Line: Conflict or Dual Destiny
· Jagged Line: Struggle, Indecisiveness
· Broken Line: Trauma, Difficult Circumstance
· Chained Line: Highs and Lows
Placement: Middle of the Palm
The head line represents intellect and reasoning.
· Long Line: Ambitious
· Short Line: Intelligent, Intuitive
· Deep Line: Excellent Memory
· Faint Line: Poor Memory
· Straight Line: Materialistic
· Broken Line: Disappointment
· Chained Line: Mental Confusion
· Forked Line: Career Change
· Double Line: Talented, Inspired by a Muse
· Absent Line: Laziness, Mental Imbalance
Placement: Mid to Lower Palm Underneath Pinky Finger
Travel lines indicate travel, but can also merely indicate a desire to travel.
Heart Line
· Long Line: Idealistic, Dependent on partner
· Short Line: Self-centered
· Deep Line: Stressful
· Faint Line: Sensitive Nature, Weak Heart
· Straight Line: Intense Feelings
· Curved Line: Intellectual Bent
· Broken Line: Troubled relationships
· Chained Line: Intertwined relationships, Karmic relationships
· Forked Line: Heartbreak, Divorce
· Absent Line: Ruthlessness, Logic rules the heart
Also called "Rascettes"
Placement: Bracelets are the lines at the bend of your inner wrist.
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