An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a malfunction, and went down. A few weeks later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane.
They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals. They walkedup to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.
The Chief said, "Yeah.." When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi." The rescue crew were shocked.
One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi."
Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi."
After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, "Did you..you know...eat their...ah, err, 'things'?"
The chief said, "No."
"No?" asked the rescuer.
"No," replied the Chief. "Things go better with Coke."
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Diary of a Blonde Wife
*Monday:*
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.
*Tuesday:*
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.
*Wednesday:*
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.
*Thursday:*
Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.
*Friday:*
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did,to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.
*Saturday:*
Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work,or he wanted the chicken to dance. When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me? why me ?" Hmmm....It must be his job.
country doctors
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sickto my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on thefloor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."
"Huh," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with an elderly woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"
"Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."
At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sickto my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on thefloor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."
"Huh," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with an elderly woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"
"Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."
Strange Laws Around The World
Check out these nutty laws from across the U.S.A. and around the globe!
* In Alabama, prison guards are forbidden from referring to their spouses as "the old ball 'n' chain."
* In Los Angeles, it's illegal for a waiter to tell a customer "I'm really an actor."
* In Indiana, it's against the law to dress "Barbie" in "Ken's" clothes.
* In Sedona, Ariz., it's illegal to lie about your astrological sign.
* In Texas, it's illegal to threaten somebody with an UNLOADED gun.
* In Samoa, it's a crime to forget your wife's birthday.
* In Australia, it's illegal to name any animal you plan to eat.
* In Cannes, France, it's illegal to wear a Jerry Lewis mask.
* In New Jersey, answering a traffic cop who asks "Do you know why I pulled you over?" by saying, "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you" is an automatic $300 fine.
* In Kentucky, it's illegal to paint your lawn red.
* In Portugal, it's against the law to pee in the ocean.
* In Connecticut, night watchmen are forbidden from drinking decaf coffee while working.
* In Vermont, it's illegal to pick your nose and stick the pickings under a table.
* In Tennessee, it's illegal to tell someone to quit smoking.
* In Oregon, donut holes must be at least an 1/8th inch in diameter.
* In Georgia, it's illegal to teach a child under 5 the words "penis" and "vagina."
* Unmarried women are not allowed to buy edible panties in South Carolina.
* In Italy, anyone considered "obese" is forbidden from wearing polyester.
* It's illegal to tear a phone book in half in Montana.
* Anyone caught selling a "smoothie" that has lumps is breaking the law in California.
* In Arkansas, it's illegal for a woman getting married for the second time to wear a white wedding gown.
* In Pennsylvania, it's against the law to put a dollar on a string on the ground and yank it when someone tries to pick it up.
* In New York City, it's illegal for a restaurant to call it a "corned beef sandwich" if it's made with white bread and mayonnaise.
* In Alabama, prison guards are forbidden from referring to their spouses as "the old ball 'n' chain."
* In Los Angeles, it's illegal for a waiter to tell a customer "I'm really an actor."
* In Indiana, it's against the law to dress "Barbie" in "Ken's" clothes.
* In Sedona, Ariz., it's illegal to lie about your astrological sign.
* In Texas, it's illegal to threaten somebody with an UNLOADED gun.
* In Samoa, it's a crime to forget your wife's birthday.
* In Australia, it's illegal to name any animal you plan to eat.
* In Cannes, France, it's illegal to wear a Jerry Lewis mask.
* In New Jersey, answering a traffic cop who asks "Do you know why I pulled you over?" by saying, "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you" is an automatic $300 fine.
* In Kentucky, it's illegal to paint your lawn red.
* In Portugal, it's against the law to pee in the ocean.
* In Connecticut, night watchmen are forbidden from drinking decaf coffee while working.
* In Vermont, it's illegal to pick your nose and stick the pickings under a table.
* In Tennessee, it's illegal to tell someone to quit smoking.
* In Oregon, donut holes must be at least an 1/8th inch in diameter.
* In Georgia, it's illegal to teach a child under 5 the words "penis" and "vagina."
* Unmarried women are not allowed to buy edible panties in South Carolina.
* In Italy, anyone considered "obese" is forbidden from wearing polyester.
* It's illegal to tear a phone book in half in Montana.
* Anyone caught selling a "smoothie" that has lumps is breaking the law in California.
* In Arkansas, it's illegal for a woman getting married for the second time to wear a white wedding gown.
* In Pennsylvania, it's against the law to put a dollar on a string on the ground and yank it when someone tries to pick it up.
* In New York City, it's illegal for a restaurant to call it a "corned beef sandwich" if it's made with white bread and mayonnaise.
Men's Logic
A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.
The Problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.
The child Should be in my custody."
The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"
The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...
Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"
The Problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.
The child Should be in my custody."
The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"
The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...
Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
